Seven years ago I was in the hospital, experiencing the most
excruciating pain and the most joy I’d ever experienced in my entire life. On
May 28, 2009, my world as I knew it, changed forever. Surrounded by more family
and friends than a waiting room could possibly hold, I welcomed my little 6
pound, 9 ounce baby boy into the world.
He is what I had wanted my whole life, since I was a child.
This tiny, perfect, beautiful gift that God had not only given me, but felt me
worthy to trust me with this little life. I am and still remain so unworthy. But
I am so thankful. I am thankful for the
miracle of life and most thankful for the miracle of this child’s life.
Seven years ago, I was just a child myself. I’ve been on this
bumpy road ever since, trying so hard to give my sweet Colt a good life and to
let him know how unbelievably loved he is. I make mistakes, so many mistakes.
But his love is unconditional in return, so the two of us make a good team.
Every morning I ask the boys if they slept well and had sweet dreams. The other
day, I was running out the door to work and he kept saying my name and tugging
on me and finally I turned around and yelled, “WHAT COLT?!” He said, “Mom, you
forgot something. You forgot to ask me how I slept and if I had sweet dreams.”
So I set all my stuff down and loved on him and asked him how he slept and if
he had sweet dreams. My sweet, little creature of habit.
Every night since he came home from the hospital, he has to
go to sleep with “Golden Slumbers” – Paul McCartney sings it, but it’s
originally a poem by Elizabeth Barrett Browning. It’s so important, that even
Bobba has to sing it to him when I’m not there and he’s having a sleepover. Sometimes
when I sing it, he tells me that he didn’t pay attention and asks me to sing it
again. If I tell him no, he starts crying until he can’t breathe because he
wants to not only hear, but pay attention to his song. I’d been getting so mad
at him when he makes me sing it again and the other day, I thought, why?? Why
am I getting mad that I have to sing a two-minute song again? One day very
soon, he won’t want me to sing this song and I’m going to be devastated. So now
I sing it. I sing it twice and I’ll sing it three times, because I’m so BLESSED
that my child wants me to do this at all and I know one day I’ll be the one
crying to sing it again.
We went to get a new pair of glasses last week and Colt
wanted a pair of wire-rimmed ones. I didn’t want him to get them, he looked
entirely too old. I loved his bright blue ones.
He also went to bed the other night without his special
blanket he’s had since he was a baby. I asked him if he wanted me to get it and
he told me that it was okay, he was big now and really didn’t need it. I
promptly went and got his blanket and told him that he did need it (I’m crazy,
I know. Don’t judge me!).
But, I conceded. I stopped making him sleep with his blanket
and I let him get the wire rimmed glasses. It’s hard to let my baby grow, but I’m
trying. I’m trying really hard to fight the tears and make these transitions –
some days are better than others.
So, as I come upon the 7-year anniversary of the greatest
day in the history of my (almost) 34 years of life, I am thankful, so thankful
for this gift. The gift of a child that is kind and generous from the oldest
person he meets to the youngest. His heart is pure and his love of life and the
little details of it, is contagious. His memory is incredible (ask him what the
elf on the shelf did 3 years ago on the 2nd Tuesday in December
because he’ll remember, I’m serious). He genuinely, unconditionally,
whole-heartedly loves. He loves his family, he loves his friends and he loves
that damn crazy puppy of his. Most importantly though, he loves Jesus. Even
though he only wants sleep overs with Jesus and doesn’t want to spend his whole
life there, he loves him very much.
Thank you Lord, for the gift my son, Colton (Gus) Skinner.
No comments:
Post a Comment